Depression is hard

Most of my friends would probably be surprised to know that I get depressed often. Sometimes it gets very bad. Some days are definitely harder than others. Other days are easier. Other days aren't so bad. But those hard days are tough. Those days where I don't want to get out of bed. Those days where I don't want to be around people. Those days where I don't want to talk to anyone. Those days where I don't think anyone believes in me. Those days where I definitely don't believe in myself. Those days where I don't think anyone cares about me. Those days where I think that no one would miss me if I was gone (not dead, just not here). Days can be bad, sometimes nights are worse. It's worse in the winter, that's for sure. When it's cold outside there's nothing more I want to do than be inside, and often that means being alone. Sometimes I feel so alone. Sometimes I feel so alone at work. Sometimes I feel so alone when I'm around other people. Sometimes I get down and can't get myself back up. I think about regrets in my life. I think about things I would've done differently if I could redo them. I tell myself that my best years have passed me by and I think, 'What did I do with my youth?' The answer is usually, 'Not enough.' Sometimes I think about how unfilling my life has been to this point. I think, 'What have I amounted to?' the answer, 'I really don't know.' I think I've done some good, but I know I could've done more. I think about things I've done, 'Maybe I've already reached my peak in life,' I say to myself. It's hard.